heys. i went haywire starting of d day. cos i had nightmare d nite b4. a sudden shocked wen i heard d werds crackling in my ears. i cant believe wat i've heard, it hurt me so so much. i wept all nite, tinking positively but i cant. my premonitions were killing me softly. haiz. i didnt expect this to happpen frem him. all this long-term-&-hard-earned relationship, is on d verge of dead-end. it took me d whole freaking nite to think about it, wisely. its about him& the GIRL, whom is oso a gf of mine. at ferst thought, maybe she's unsurpassed den me. once, i felt like gestulating to myself& lashed all d vulgarities to myself. hurling like nobody's business.
wenever i tink about it again&again, i feel hurt&anger-ness starts to overwhelm. & once again, i teared. i feel so feeble at one moment, & useless d other moment. even confusion is on my shoulder. there's no earthly reason fer me to hate him&her. i shuldnt comment more bout our probs or i shall say elaborate it cos i will hurt either 1 or 2 parties. its just speak of my mind. yeah, everything tt start has to come to an end, i thought. i can forgive, but i cant forget now&forever. its still clear, playing in my mind. & my heart will be beating fast, & again, demoralising myself& started to tink about retribution. WTF! i feel i was betrayed, but all tt has happened has already happened. nothing can ease my cranki-ness&burning-in-me except fer a peace in mind.
i love him so much&dis is wat i get. i tink i deserved it. now, anger is still mingling wit disappointment. sumtink is stopping me to love him like i always do. i feel so damn insecure&fully-jaded. i dont noe wen it will last&wat i shuld do. hopefully, i get back on d content-track pretty soon, cos tts not d original-me. i'm sure he can win my heart&trust back again cos till death do us apart. me too playing a part in dis series by giving him a chance& back-to-reality. god, give me d courage, pls. theres this Malay theory goes like this, " no matter how bitter d medicine is, u still have to swallow it "
i don wanna tink bout him&her, it annoys me. lets tink bout of me&him, fast-forward. i don wanna be childish& my maturity isnt low follow by my mentality too. give me&him d time. tts all, i wwish fer. i need his protection. i love him so much, now&forever. me&her, we r just a platonic fren. not more den tt.tt bad nightmare which i'm trying my best to get rid of it, will remain&store in mind, cos its a lesson fer me to learn.
~toodles.
*sob**sob*
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